i already hear my dad disowning me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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