so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we're making bets on your personal life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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