I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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