i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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