I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize