Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
