yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
