You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
