meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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