Nicole vs. Life
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
