Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
