how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
