Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize