his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
