Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
