Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
