OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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