yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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