he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
