I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
