I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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