I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
