Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My vagina is very pro this idea
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
