what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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