Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
