My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
