I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
