he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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