I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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