When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
