I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
