We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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