I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
