Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
