Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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