I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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