I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
