im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
