no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
