I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
