alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
