Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
