cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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