I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
