yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
