Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize