At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
