There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize