and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
