How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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