Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
