I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize