I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
