I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize