We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
