He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
