I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
