he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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