GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
