In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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