just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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