I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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