Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize