i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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