Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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